Here I am, sitting on my bed praying for some sort of elegant flow of writing to come through me . I wait. I discern. I contemplate. Nope.
As a writer I am in this constant debate with myself when or what to make out of this white box that calls me to post. Today, I went for Simbang Gabi which means evening mass, it is Filipino culture to go to church 9 days till Christmas Eve. Coming from a religious family, my mother makes it a point to lecture her daughters to drag our royal butts to church, else… And there comes the almighty “Else…” There are only two options I can think of behind the almighty word followed by an ellipsis – one, my mother at our doorstep with arms akimbo calling in her strong Filipino mommy tone OR I will feel utterly guilty and the door of hell opens. I am afraid of mom.
Needless to say but I started my 9 day visit to church.
I listen as I fidget about while the priest gives his sermon and shares his life in his vocation. I could not relate. At all. As he speaks about having a screen name as a priest and does not use his real name with barely any cohesion to his sermon, he ends by asking us to contemplate in being one.
One? Number one? Lose weight one? The one?
He asked us to go home tonight and be one with God. In complete bewilderment, I shamelessly associate all the times a Karate or action-packed film comes up with that line. Amidst my self snickering, I gave it a thought. As we all go through our lives, may it be working in the grind or be fickle about our personal bubbles we walk in multitudes. We carry our character and beliefs from one circle to another which slowly gives flexibility to the people and situations thrown at us. And then we come home at the end of our days gradually fragmented to this person we barely know. From this strong eternal circle, we are trimmed down to some sort of hexagon with all sorts of sides but no center.
We start our weeks with a faithful self which is driven down to a trash bag of emotional issues to digest over the weekend. From as light as a feather we become something destructive. I think the reason why people go to God is because as humans we’re like moving cars that needs a constant refill through our journeys. We’re designed to always come back.
When we immerse ourselves in the things that we think that matter most, we get burned-out and parked in the emergency lane. Taking a moment in our daily lives to be one with our God is a refill and refresh amidst the motion. Let’s move dear circles, let’s move!