So, it’s the start of the new year again. I was avoiding a blog about new year resolutions because a friend once told me that these resolutions are a scam on ourselves; every start of the year, we come up with these huge promises to conquer our old self. Don’t get me wrong, improvement is great but it has dawned upon me that why let go of a 2012 me and become a 2013 me? I’ve noticed this pattern of renewal is now a synonym of an updated self – Pia1.0, Pia1.1, Pia1.2, etc. I feel like an iphone!
2012 must’ve been the quickest year of my life – a job change, my second time to travel alone, my own apartment, my driver’s license, my first grocery shopping by myself, two concerts in a row, I met my family for the first time (properly) and another friend to say goodbye to (I hate you America). Just typing this already makes me shuffle my feet with a tad bit of excitement and sprinkle of heartbreak.
I hate goodbyes but I am so infamous for it, heck! I say goodbye so much that I’m still saying it even when I’m gone. I think sometimes I’ve become so detached with the things around me that it has caused my mind to think of its own notions.
I was having dinner with a few pals about two weeks ago; one spoke about engagements and weddings, the other discussed about self discovery, her food and faith. I sat there thinking to myself, I had pretty much nothing to put on the table because I had my constant goodbyes and page refreshing of my life already in my pocket. If I got smacked by a lamp post, trust me, I would’ve climbed on it and expected it to fly me to the moon. I think we tend to use a new year to escape and run away to make something new rather than stick to the same thing and try again.
Dear 2013, I’d like to say hello. I’m not going to ask for you to be nice to me because nice is such a wuss of a term. I do however pray that you be patient with me, because I am a hardass. Let me sink in to me. Let me stay awhile longer on page eight when I’m suppose to be reading page ten. Allow me to learn a sport rather than go to the old faithful gym. Let me trip and admit that I’m not okay but I will be. Teach me resilience and endurance in the long wait. That “kind” is better than “nice”. That cake and tea brings people together. That family cannot wait. That friends don’t always change; they’re going through stages just like everyone else. Allow me to have self nourishment, not a diet pill to quicken the pain. That there is a process and multi-tasking is bullshit. That a conversation trumps a connection. Make me shutup when there’s nothing better to say and that silence can be a better response. That big decisions need discernment. That to try is a step to success. That perhaps detachment isn’t the answer; to let go doesn’t mean to forget. That books and music are company. That writing heals invisible wounds. That being alive is the sum of all quiet waits, heartache and joys. 2013, meet Pia since 1989 because the Pia 2012 is a layer to myself. 2013, I want to sow myself together and melt myself into a solid faithful whole. I am only one rooted through so many, allow me to grow rather than start again.